I turned 75 on 8th August this year. Chronologically and physiologically, that’s a fact. I mean, I’m still breathing, and I feel pain when I’m injured, so yes, I’m 75 and alive..
But the journey that began at Jehangir Hospital at 4:20 am on 8thAugust 1951, actually ended at Ruby Hall at 1:42 pm on 2ndSeptember, 2016. So much of me died that day that chronological and physiological facts pale into insignificance.
No parent should outlive their child. Ever.
I started this blog on turning 60, when I officially joined the senile (sathiya-oed, as they say colloquially) lot. I had imagined a platform where I could ponder on life, and proffer some well intentioned (though hardly welcome) insights – maybe even advice - on life. I irreverently called it ‘Mitti Pao!’, the Punjabi equivalent of ‘What the heck dude, just let it go!’
Over the next five years, I logged almost 100 posts, and had attracted a handful of followers. It was good going, and I remember mentioning in one of my posts that ‘God has been kind’.
Little did I know what lay in store.
On 31st August 2016, my daughter who was my world, really – my mother, my confidante, my best friend – gave birth to a baby girl, and that was my ‘cup runneth over’ moment. It was as if she had delivered a mini version of herself, and I wept unabashedly with joy.
Two days later, at 1:42 pm on 2nd September, it all came crashing down.
As Soren Kierkegaard, the Dutch existentialist, put it – ‘Then comes affliction to awaken the dreamer’
I had gone down on my knees and begged and beseeched of a God that was deaf. He just didn’t listen. My world had turned dark, my red rose had turned white.
I couldn’t afford to grieve, I had a two day old baby to raise. At 65, I was a parent once again. I know I did a good job, but the fact is that it was the other way round. It was she who raised me out of the darkness. Even now, ten years later, she continues to fill my world with light.
But life – or a God that had forsaken me ten years ago - wasn’t quite done with me. While I cursed the son of a what not with a “Damn you to hell, what more can you put me through?” He quietly whispered back “Challenge accepted..!”
My wife of over 50 years developed Alzheimer’s, effectively shutting herself – and ME – from the rest of the world. She recognizes no one, remembers nothing, has severe incontinence and needs 24 hour care and attention. Despite our many differences over the years, I still don’t have the heart to put her away in a home, my daughter would never stand for it anyway.
Of course life has its share of blessings. I have the best son in the world, three lovely granddaughters, and some awesome friends that I have collected, mostly over social media.
My 75th birthday was turned into a grand celebration by my son. But of that, and the few positives that still remain, I’ll leave for another post..
As Robert Frost said – If there’s one thing I’ve learned about life, it is that it must go on..
